and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
