About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
