I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need to calm my uterus...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
