I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
