1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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