Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
