I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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