I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
