My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is the high leading the old right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
