i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
