she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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