Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
