Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
