She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
