there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm bleeding and have questions
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
