i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
