Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish you could order shots online.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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