There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
