I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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