me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
