she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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