Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
