oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
