I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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