Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
