My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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