I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
