This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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