remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
