4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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