I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
