I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
