How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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