my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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