His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
