you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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