wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize