why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
