im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
