i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize