1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
