Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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