i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
