thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
