Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
