So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
