then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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