i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
is it fun? or sober?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
