Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
