If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
not ubering you a puppy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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