What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Bring me that man meat
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
