I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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