I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
