If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
