My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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