i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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