So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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