he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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