i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
