I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was like eating out sand paper
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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