my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
