don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
