does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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