Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
