his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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