oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
